There was a old man flying in a boat with lots of machines to help the boat
fly.Soon the boat's machine started to stop, but he did't fall.Then he saw lots
of turtle flying and then he put a brown rope to a turtle's neck.Suddenly the
rope is broken,the old man was sad and worried he would be stuck in the
sky.After that the last turtle came,so the old man jumped to the turtle's
back...he was so amazed he landed in a amazing Island!
Well done Akira. I like the way you have used commas in your sentences. I also like the way you have started all your sentences. I wonder what will happen to the man?
ReplyDeleteMaybe he would be stuck in the island forever, but maybe the turtle can talk and the turtle fly with the old man back to his home.
ReplyDeleteHi Akira, I enjoyed reading your 5 sentence challenge, well done. I am impressed that you have included so much detail and that it is in chronological order too. I also like your time connectives at the beginning of your sentences, these help to move the story on. You have also included a range of connectives in your writing to help you to add detail; but, and, then, so.
ReplyDeleteThis is a fabulous piece of writing, well done. :)